You may recall me mentioning my little girl friend and my exploits with her, the Wren and the WRAF, also. Saturday afternoons I would regularly sit on my bicycle leaning against the railing overlooking the tennis court in the park across the road from where we lived. I would be about 16 years old at the time. Invariably there would be a doubles match being played by the same foursome. That was my first introduction to tennis. It was not so much the tennis that interested me though, I knew the rules and generally appreciated the game. The real attraction was one particular player, a woman, who was probably in her mid-twenties. I simply just could not take my eyes off her and the attraction was not her tennis prowess either.
Much later, in my mid-forties, considered to be a mature Christian, well respected within the church, leading a house group and with oversight of six more, I had an interesting encounter with the Lord. I was painting the outside of a bedroom window at the front of our house. The room below had a bay window with a flat roof, and it was this that I was standing on giving me freedom to move around. While painting I had my back to the road, but if I half turned one way, I had a good view of the pavement through the entrance to the drive. Turning the other way, I also had a good view of the pavement through a personnel gateway. It was as if I had two opportunities available to me to take a mental ‘snap-shot’ of whoever was passing by. I am told that forces personnel using portable radar systems are able to tell the difference from the image on the screen whether it is a male or a female approaching them by the way they walk. Well, I noticed that I could tell from the sound of the footsteps, whether the person walking down the pavement towards the house was male or female, although I would be unable to see them until they passed either one of the two entrances. I also noticed that if the oncoming pedestrian was perceived as male I simply kept on painting, but if female, I would quite involuntarily pause and turn my head at the exact moment she would be passing one of the gaps and then, sometimes, take a second look as she passed the other gap. Notice the ‘sometimes’, for I was actually quite subconsciously filtering out, or differentiating between, the more attractive and appealing from the less so!
Suddenly I so came under the conviction of the Holy Spirit that I tried to control this and did manage to resist the second glance. But even this concession did not quell the conviction I was experiencing through the Spirit. Eventually I simply cried out to the Lord for help! I remember clearly, with tears in my eyes, telling Him that I did not want even one nanosecond of a glance for I had learned from my teaching experience the power of visual images however brief the exposure. Moreover, images of the kind that I was taking in could feed my imagination and, all too easily, ensnare me. Like random flash cards they would suddenly appear as if from nowhere and especially during those times when I was maybe overtired, my mind wandering, at a bit of a loose end or worse still, if I was not particularly walking close to the Lord.
Remember King David?
“In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. …, But David remained in Jerusalem”. 2 Samuel 11:1
Immediately following it is recorded that: “One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace”. Maybe he was just bored, he certainly was not taking his kingly responsibilities seriously. Then, “From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful “. Suddenly he was ensnared which led to adultery and eventually to murder! I would venture to suggest that none of us are immune! Professing Christian or not.
Well, as a result of my appeal to the Lord for help He gave me an ‘early warning system’ which kicks in so involuntarily and before a possible event that not even the briefest of images are recorded. It works like this: My eye lids close so rapidly, which firstly alerts me to the impending danger, then, secondly, remain closed for a sufficient length of time which allows me to avert my gaze. Notice I still carry some responsibility, that is, ‘to avert my gaze’. I find this very humbling, and I am so grateful that the Lord did not simply remove my ingrained habit, but gave me a way of dealing with it, which always reminds me of His infinite love, faithfulness and out-pouring of outrageous grace.
Remember the apostle, Paul. Paul experienced a ‘thorn in the flesh’. I am not suggesting that his was the same as my problem for we just don’t know, but whatever it was he asked the Lord three times to take it away only to get the same reply, “My grace is sufficient”. Does this then grant me a license to sin? In Romans, Paul answers this question with an emphatic no: “Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound, far be the thought!”
Job (Job 31:1) made a covenant with his eyes. In my case it seems to me that the Lord was entering into a covenant with me and I with him concerning those things which, taken in through my eyes, processed, then hidden away in my subconscious, would not be beneficial to my spiritual health. It was a covenant between two parties! I have found the Lord totally faithful to His part of the covenant and I wish I could say the same, but alas I am not always so. I find that I have to be brutally selective in what I watch especially for example on television, also, when out and about my normal business, to make a conscious decision not to allow myself to be distracted, not even for a moment, for I have come to realise that covenants once entered into carry with them, not only responsibilities, but serious consequences if taken lightly. When I made a commitment to ‘Follow the Lord’, although I did not realise it at the time, I was entering into a covenant relationship with Him! Sadly, I was never discipled, indoctrinated maybe, but never discipled. This however does not absolve me of personal responsibility before the Lord.
A few days ago, before writing this I was using my hand-held electric circular saw. As the saw moves through the wood the cord follows. Obviously, I knew this for in all modesty I am quite expert in DIY and the use of power tools. But on this occasion, I had carelessly not taken this into account. In the event the cord became jammed causing the saw to seriously kick back and cut a sweeping arc about 30 cm long and one cm deep in the timber. I was fortunate not to be injured and that seriously. I only mention this as an analogy of the serious consequences which may result through ‘moral carelessness’.
I love to watch figure skating on television, I remember quite well the Olympic gold medal performance in 1984 by Torvill and Dean to Maurice Ravel’s Boléro, it was a gripping performance and I love the Boléro. But all too often during programs of this nature I find my mind beginning to wander so I take the precaution of leaving the room.
Increasingly I am finding that many television programs, newspapers and magazines, including the Internet, are potentially destructive to my walk with the Lord and for me much wisdom and discernment is required.
It is not just visual images that can be a problem either. Thoughts and attitudes too can equally be destructive to my spiritual development or walk with the Lord:
Psalm 11:2 comments: “… look, the wicked bend their bows, they set their arrows against the strings to shoot from the shadows at the upright in heart.” Suggesting maybe that Christians, ‘upright in heart’, are especially vulnerable and need to be careful with the company they keep, the situations they choose to put themselves into or the conversations they engage in. I find this especially so when I am seeking to walk in step with the Holy Spirit and close to the Lord. This is when I find the ‘ … shield of faith’ an indispensable defensive piece of armour. It allows me to ” … quench those fiery darts of the enemy”. Paul reminds me also that I am in a war zone and that I need to ” … take every thought captive to Christ”.
Scripture to, through the Holy Spirit, speaks to me: “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4:12.
If I neglect reading, meditating and allowing Scripture to speak to me I find myself very quickly upon the cusp of a very slippery slope.
None of this I find easy I must confess.
The title of chapter 16 of Jeff Lucas’ book ‘There Are No Strong People’ is:
‘People Don’t Usually Fall – They Slide’.
1 Corinthians 10 verse 12 warns:
So let the one who thinks he is standing be careful that he does not fall.
An aside:
What went through your mind when you read my little ‘confession’? This is something I want to explore more and hope to do so in ‘Musings’.